Judgement Day

Here's what's happening when I tell people we are off to Ngala for a week.

Young people with kids - the response is overwhelmingly supportive and in fact I'm discovering so many people that we know have even been and done it and say it really helped. (Lots of them had kept it quiet though for fear of being judged a bad or incompetent parent)

This leads me to the other response I'm getting - mostly from the older generation. It seems that their view is that sleep deprivation and crying babies are what parenthood is about and we should just get on with it and sit tight until Noah improves (hopefully) in due course.

Here's the first thing - I don't need judgement - I'm already being hard enough on myself that it's come to this. I feel like a failure.

Secondly - only myself, Rob and probably my mum (because she cares for him and spends time with him up to about 20 hours a week) really know how extraordinarily difficult and unsettled he can be.

Don't get me wrong in a lot of ways he's improving - he smiles and laughs and can actually be left to look at toys or play in his bouncer for half hour stints now without much interaction from me. The trouble is he absolutely cannot go to sleep without being rocked in some one's arms and even then it takes several attempts to put him down before he stays there without screaming. Some days while Rob is out at work Noah cries and screams for anything up to 6 out of 9 hours. He throws full blown tantrums and my chest is covered in the scratch scars to prove it.

I think the Ngala experience is definitely going to be worthwhile even though it is a big time commitment this close to Christmas (the timing could certainly have been better). A week of only having to focus on Noah and not housework and laundry and cooking will be a treat in itself. The whole point though is for me to work with someone to get Noah to learn to self settle and to get him into a sleep routine which we can carry through at home. The nurse will be my constant support and will help me push past the crying (Noah's not mine) instead of always giving in like we do at home.