As I sit to write this I am so sad to realise it is my first ever post on this blog about our beautiful girls Matilda and Quinn.  Maybe one day I'll go back and fill in some gaps but just in case I don't it's time to make a few notes.

These crazy girls of ours sure have tipped our lives upside down.  It has been the biggest challenge of my parenting so far.  I guess it sort of goes without saying that having 2 babies at once and jumping up to a family of 6 would come with some difficulties but WOW you really couldn't even imagine.

I know this time will be over so quickly and in a flash I'll have 4 teenagers and a whole new set of parenting hurdles to overcome.  I try so hard to appreciate them and their little gorgeous faces and all of the little quirks each of them have.  I try to record it in my mind and remember it all but it's already starting to fade.

I didn't record the dates that the girls rolled over, or stood or walked or cut their first teeth.  Does it matter?  I don't think so.  It's not because their milestones mean any less to me - I have cherished them just the same.  I just do not have the time to be all things to everyone anymore.

I'm happy - really happy.  My life is full of love.  I am also tired and exhausted, so tired some days I feel like I wont be able to make it to the end of the day.   Rob works so hard too and we are often like ships in the night. We're a great team though and these kids of ours are all doing so well and we are really proud and blessed.

Today Matilda said her first 'sentence'.  As we waved rob off to work she said 'Bye Bye Dad'  it was so bloody cute it motivated me to jump on here and note it down.

Our gorgeous Quinn doesn't say much but she understands everything that we say to her so no doubt she'll start saying all sorts of words any day now.  We have a bit of a laugh because she mainly talks in grunts and growls so we sometimes call her 'Chewbaca'  (Her words are Mum, Dad, Duck, Tilda)

Matilda can say Mum, Dad, Nanna, Noah, Harpy, Goggie,  Cat, Duck, Byebye, Seeya, Flower, Plane, Shoe, Milk and makes a few animal sounds.

Off to actually spend a minute with my husband now, Hopefully talk again really soon.

Baby De Roach Blogspot Revival

Kirsty and I thought we might try to revive our babyderoach blog. We started it with banjo before Facebook was popular, now I'm sick of all the advertising on FB, but still want the best bit - storybooking our life and 4 babies!  This photo was from a crazy day exploring Avon Valley camp sites :)

 

'Me Time'

Today is my third consecutive Wednesday I have been kid free from about 9am until 3.30pm.

When I had Noah my father-in-law made a decision that he wanted to be an involved and regular fixture in his grand children's lives and he decided to semi-retire to make it happen.  As soon as it was possible he showed up and took Noah away for a special one-on-one 'Pa Day' every week.  Only 6 months later my sister-in-law added another grandson to the mix and he too got his day in the sun with Pa.  As the boys got older and easier to handle their days with Pa merged so that they were also getting some quality cousin bonding time too.  Then along came Finn's baby sister Beth and then our beautiful Harper. John certainly had his hands full now and depending on school schedules had various combinations of 2 or 3 of them and then 4 in the school holidays.

When the twins came along I never really thought much about Pa Day.  I figured 8 years later John had probably done his dash and would appreciate some free time now that he'd seen the 4 big kids through to their school years.  As the end of last year approached though the news came that once school started he would like to take Matilda and Quinn for their turn.  I was gobsmacked.  Two babies - was he mad?  I can barely cope most days and it has certainly been a daunting prospect for most people to even babysit for a couple of hours here and there - let alone committing to 9 hours every week.

But here we are week 3 and in he comes at 8am on a Wednesday morning full of enthusiasm and takes those precious girls away.  On alternate weeks he even takes Harper too.  He genuinely loves it.  Sure he's tired at the end of the day but he's always full of smiles and reports how wonderful his day has been.

It's an amazing blessing for me of course - a chance to take a moment to get some shit done or take some time out or drink a hot cup of coffee.  The best thing is John does it because he wants to, of course I benefit, but that's not what it's about.  It's a no guilt, no strings attached kid free day and I bloody love it.

This week on Facebook #2

Ok so this week started with my youngest sister Holly's 36th Birthday.  It was her first birthday as a Mama celebrating with her beautiful Tommy who is just a few days off  3 months old already.  As always a simple family dinner was enjoyed at my Mum and Dad's place followed by Cake - it's all about the cake and every kid getting a chance to blow out candles and spread their share of spit onto the cake!!

July 9th is the day our precious Angel baby Banjo was born 7 years ago.  We don't dwell - we've been blessed with 2 beautiful boys and who knows, one day maybe another sweet baby, but we pause and remember him and what an impact his short life had on ours.

This year July 9th will forever be the day I 'lost' one of our dogs for a whole day and had the whole city searching for him only to discover I had literally been sitting on him all day!  He had gotten trapped in the void space under our recliner sofa when I had closed the leg rest.  Serious stress was quickly replaced with horrific embarrassment and everyone had a great laugh at my expense!!!

Skidder after he was 'found'  - he just popped out yawning and stretching from his awesome 6 hour nap!!!

July 10th

Harper is just over 2 and a half now and is full of personality plus.  He loves to dress up and some days can involve multiple wardrobe changes.  The kid knows how to accessorise too.  It's not often you'll see him without some kind of musical instrument in hand and a pair of sunglasses - always sunglasses. He keeps us on our toes but he's such a delight we almost don't mind.

July 11th

Harper was off to hospital AGAIN for his 3rd set of grommets.  As always the happy chappy easy patient took it all in his stride.

In the car on the way bright and early

Post surgery recovery

Back home we spent the afternoon relaxing on the couch but then it was time to head to Nanny and Poppy's to pick up Noah and in true Harper style even while in convalescence he did not forget his style.

2 pairs of sunglasses for the trip there

Nanny gave the patient some new glasses so this new ensemble got thrown together for the trip home which was just perfect for a trip to the pharmacy too!!

This week on Facebook

So I swore at the start of this week I was taking a step back from FB and getting back on blogging track.  Facebook like the addictive bitch that she is lured me back so I decided instead of fighting it to embrace it, so this is the first in a weekly series of posts to be known as 'My week on Facebook'

I was pretty good the first few days and it was pretty quiet but we did go to the pop-up outdoor ice skating rink on Friday night so that was pretty awesome.

The boys and I caught the bus and the train which always starts an outing off on the right foot.

Harper enjoyed it for a little while and then preferred to just hang out on the sidelines.  Noah, our athletic,, sporty good at almost everything guy has really struggled with any form of skating but he finally got the hang of it that night and had a great time.

Out in the city on a Friday night - such a simple adventure full of fun 

Hello Old Friend

Over the weekend I said to Rob that I was going to take some time to get back to writing my blog.  He, being the IT nerd and all round geek that he is, promptly informed me that blogging is passe and blogs probably wont exist soon.  Here I am anyway.  I don't care what the current popularity or cool factor of blogging is, I used to love this little space of mine and I enjoyed keeping our family memories documented. Even if nobody else reads it I don't mind because it's just for me. Today I've looked back through old posts - so many fleeting moments of Noah's life captured and I knew for sure that I wanted to get back on here and get more of our memories down as they happen day to day.  I might even try and makeup for lost time with some retrospective posts about Harper (the forgotten but very loved second child!) There are no lovingly scribed baby albums in this house, just this space so I'm recommitted to making it current.

I blame Facebook - I really do.  I was hesitant to join Facebook for a long time - I was a relative latecomer. I was a bit smug about it.  I used to say things like 'I have friends in real life I don't need to be friends with 200 people on the computer'. (I say old lady things like 'on the computer' because I'm a bit weird and out of touch like that.)  Eventually it came to the point where I was missing out on play dates and events because they were being arranged through Facebook, so I took the leap.

Facebook has it's place - it basically did what I had been attempting to do with my blog for years. It allowed me to share photos and stories about our lives with friends and family anywhere around the world.  The trouble is FB is such a quick and easy fix that I stopped taking the time to sit and share longer stories. The instant gratification of FB is addictive.  Blogging is more of a slow boil and lots of what is written goes un-noticed but at least it's all laid out there to look back on in a pure form not lost between pictures of cats riding robot vacuums and photos of Rugby players consuming their own urine!! (True Story)

FB also steals so much more time that you ever realise as you find yourself reaching for it more and more throughout the day just to see what new tidbit has popped up in your news feed.  So I'm taking a step back from FB and focusing on quality blogging time instead.

All of this is part of a bigger picture.  I have made a vow to myself to change the way I manage my time.  I am ALWAYS busy.  I literally run from one thing to the next and I feel like no part of my life is getting the correct focus.  I know a do a good job.  Our home is clean and tidy, there are clean clothes in the drawers and a meal on the table every night.  The kids are happy, healthy beautiful kids and they get lots of love and attention.  It's me though - I'm exhausted.  Physically, mentally, emotionally. This has been a tough year there have been bigger challenges than 'normal' but when is life ever 'normal'.  Rob likes to remind me a lot that there is always something.  I can often be heard saying things like 'After X,Y,Z event is over life will calm down and I'll do that task'.  No more.

I want to get to a place where no matter what external factors are in play I don't feel like every day is one constant ball of chaos.  Rushing here and there yelling at kids to hurry, hurry, hurry.  Putting out fires all day long then getting to 7pm and collapsing in a heap with no sense of accomplishment.

One of the first things I need to do is re-instate my exercise regime.  There is a lot to be said for exercising in the morning and feeling that you've achieved something before the day has even started for most people.

I constantly over commit.  I am a YES person.  This month I am pulling back from everything that is not absolutely necessary.  I have lots of wonderful friends and I like to do the right thing and keep in touch with them all.  It's very time consuming.  Don't get me wrong time with friends adds so much value to your life but surely a month without coffee dates and outings won't kill any friendships. Not to mention I actually quite enjoy being alone and being in my own company.

There are tasks in my life that have literally been building up for 6 years that now need to be done. (Kids memorabilia boxes piled high, nothing with dates on it) I have made a start already this week and it feels great.

This post is a bit lot rambley but hey it's my blog I can ramble if I want to.

See you tomorrow

So Much Love

Hi Harps

Do you know what?  We love you so much.  Honestly we just adore you.  You are so sweet and funny and make us all so happy.  That's all that matters really - as long as you know you're adored I'm a happy mummy.  This blog of mine is neglected.  Where every moment of your brother's life was recorded and documented your isn't.   We are busy - really busy.  Somehow being a Mama to two boys didn't double the workload it trebled it.  We're a very happy family, we live a good life - we have loads of fun.  We're just so busy living it there's never time to stop and get it down here.  Right now I can still remember all the little details - when your first teeth came, when you first walked and all those funny little things you do and say. I will record them before I forget but right now I'm so busy loving you and enjoying you that I don't want to stop, I don't want to miss a moment.

So just for today that's all but one day soon I promise I'll be back to fill in the blanks.  After all you're almost Two!!

Reflections on Harper's First Year

'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times'

Charles Dickens - A Tale of Two Cities

There are no better words to sum up the last year for me and my family.  On the surface we look like the luckiest people.  We finally welcomed a much anticipated and desired second child to our family.  We bought and moved into our dream home.  I finally lost the (almost) 40 kilos that had been literally and figuratively dragging me down for the last 6 years.

That's on the surface - behind the scenes it has been an entire year of sleepless nights.  It has been a year of stress and worry.  Why is our baby crying all day, why is he always so sick and sad.  Doctors visit after doctors visit with really no answers.  Months of weekends and nights completely consumed with selling our old house when we had already committed to buying a bigger more expensive house.  Moving house with any baby is tough but with one that cries all day and never sleeps - chaos reigned. Rob made huge sacrifices for me to attend my 5-6 hours of exercise every week and it's taken it's toll on him.

It feels like our precious big boy lost his Mummy this year.  After 3 and a half years of solid quality time with him I became almost completely unavailable.  Hours rocking a crying baby to sleep and hours of painting, packing, renovating old and new houses meant that Noah has watched more TV in the last year than his first 3 years of life.  It is showing in his behaviour and it hurts me deeply that he has been affected negatively by our decisions and choices.

On the weekend we celebrated Harper's 1st birthday with an awesome Very Hungry Caterpillar Party.  At the last minute Rob urged me to make a speech and I've regretted it ever since.  I didn't say what I wanted to - I'm not good on the spot. I only said a few sentences but they were not what I meant.  Every quiet moment I've had since then it's run through my head - what I wished I had said.  So here it is.

It's been a tough year, Harper has not been the dream baby everyone hopes for but we wouldn't change it for the world.  We love him.  He has completed our family which we though might never grow bigger than the 3 of us.  He's been hard work - really hard work but his smiles and his giggle have made it all worth while.  We know the future is bright and things can only get better.  He'll grow into a delightful boy just like Noah did and all this baby nonsense will soon fade from memory. We are so very thankful to live in this beautiful home which we only have through the love and financial support of both sides of our family.  We are blessed, we have more than most but most importantly we have each other.  We are a family and that is all we need. 

We love you Harps - you're a gorgeous sweet little man.  Happy Birthday.  GO TO SLEEP!!

Harpsy, on your 1st Birthday

Tomorrow, Harpsy, you turn One! Your mummy and I really don't know where this year went. We feel a little guilty that you haven't received many posts on this blog, but for your information only, I want you to know that we took 14,168 photos in your first year of life (and we only took 9,434 photos during your brother's first year)... it's just been that we've been so busy loving and caring for you, that we just haven't had a chance to blog. Also, if Facebook still exists by the time you can read this - have a look at mummy and daddy's timeline - you're the star attraction of 2012!

We won't lie - you have hardly slept or eaten much this year - and mummy and daddy's eyes have nearly fallen out... but you are healthy, and your fun-seeking personality, your smile and your laugh truly melt our hearts so much it hurts.

You LOVE music, and bopping away to anything with a beat... perhaps you've absorbed all of Noah's music classes by osmosis. You particularly like using any stick-like thing as a drum stick... and you LOVE clapping (yaaaaaay Harpsy).

You can rise and stand by yourself - but can't yet walk. Crab crawling is still just fine - and b*gger going backwards, head first into any obstacle is the way to go (usually holding something to increase the level of difficulty) - a true reflection of your character.

You say da da da, all the time, with reference to anything and everything. You haven't quite (or maybe you have) mastered kisses and often leave your tongue hanging out.

WATER is you deity - you worship the warm shower god just like your brother did, and enjoy the bath and swimming lessons even more. You're a beach baby too (you really have no choice - to be consolidated by your first week of your second year spent at various beaches in Rottnest).

You LOVE your cousin Abbey, and look at her as if she is your second mum (this is something to do with her loving you to bits and looking after you all the time).

Your brother ADORES you, and is often found in your bedroom after you have just woken up, well before mummy and daddy reach you. You look at Noah the exact same way you look at Abbey, although sometimes a bit more quizzically, as Noah's eccentricity and craziness towards you is sometimes a little hard to understand.

Your grandparents (Nanny, Poppy, Pa, Nanna Mal, Grandad, Nanna Ivy, Pa Pa and Nanna Bron) are besotted with you, and you have taken to each of them. You have particularly spent a lot of time at your Nanny and Poppy's house because they love you so much (and for which your mummy and daddy are eternally grateful :)

Personally, we are most content when one of us cuddles you in our arms, as you doze off feeling safe and comfy (while the other one of us reads a book to your big brother in bed).

You are our beautiful Harpsi-chord and we promise that we will do everything in our power to let your life flourish into whatever you want it to be...

Most important of all is for you to always know that WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

mummy and daddy XXX

A Post From The Husband - Happy Mother's Day

The best mum that I know XXX
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Our Life

Harper is 6 months old today. It's hard to believe that much time in his precious life has gone by already.  Life has been hectic (complete and utter chaos might be more the truth here).  It's almost impossible to remember that not so long ago it was just 3 of us and we had things pretty under control.  Life was, dare I say it, easy.  We all knew things would change, we wanted them to change.  We were desperate to open our hearts and our home to a new bundle of baby love.  I don't think we were prepared for how different it would be - in so many good ways but also some very challenging ways.

Not only did Harper grow our family but not so long after his arrival our gorgeous 11 year old niece Abbey started living with us.  We are now a family of 5 and that is awesome.  Growing form 3 to 4 to 5 in a space of only a few months has brought some other big changes.  There is a new house which we are preparing to move to and of course a house to sell also.

Somedays it's hard to remember how lucky we are.  Hard to take the time to enjoy our big loving family.  It's too easy to get caught up in the rush of it all.  The days quite often blur into one big crazy cycle of packing lunches, washing clothes, getting kids to soccer, hockey, music, tennis......

I have to remember to take time to stare at this precious boy that is changing every day.  Enjoy watching the way he grabs his little toes and pulls them to his mouth.  The big gummy smiles he gives all of us but most expecially Noah and Abbey. His sleeping is getting so much better but I need to try and enjoy those nighttime cuddles and that feeling I am the only person in the world that can make him happy at those hours of the night.

My big boy Noah, so grown up and smart and brave and funny but really still so small. He will be starting Kindy next year and then after that it's full time school - FOREVER. I'm trying to take the time to enjoy our days together - he's my buddy and such fun to be around.

For every day full of frustrations and all the stress and sleep deprivation it's still an awesome life and I feel so lucky to be a mum to these beautiful children.

Letter to Harper 3 months

Dear Harper ( aka Harpsie, Harps, Harpsie Bear, Harpsichord)

13 weeks ago you made your grand entrance.  In some ways it seems so much longer but it also feels like just yesterday.  It had just been Daddy, Mummy and Noah for such a long while and at times we had almost given up on having another baby so it seems very surreal now to have you here.

You are a beautiful baby and we are all absolutely smitten with you especially your doting, if at times, too enthusiastic big brother.

It is uncanny how much you look like Noah did as a baby.  We are excited for the future and to see how you grow and change and how alike the two of you end up.

One things for sure you both have a total disregard for sleep and like to cry A LOT.  You do like your sleep and are quite easy to get off to sleep but you just like to check in for some milk and cuddles every 2 or 3 hours day and night.  You are certainly not a fan of the car either which is a shame because it was one of our tricks to get your brother to sleep but you prefer to scream in the car.

You are very clever and have already rolled both ways a few times but it's not a daily trick yet.  You love kisses and really try to kiss back - mostly sticking your tongue in but we get the message.

We're all really tired and so far it's been a challenging journey but it's all worth it when you give us one of your big gummy smiles.  You are a beautiful delightful baby and we are so happy you're here.  We have so many adventures planned for you but for right now we are enjoying your delicious baby face because we have learnt that the time goes ever so fast and it is too precious to waste.

Love Mummy

Harper - 2 Months Old

The day I broke my son's heart

Every day in playgrounds across Australia and probably the world you can hear mothers telling their children not to play with sticks.  Sticks are a boy's best friend and a mother's worst nightmare.  All we can imagine is someone losing an eye as careless children wield them at each other with no regard for the danger but kids don't see a dangerous stick they see a sword to have a pirate battle, a magic wand or a beautiful flute.

Noah and I got into a battle royale today - I had relented and allowed him to play with a rather large stick in the park but when he insisted on bringing it in the car and home I was strident.  He is usually fairly easily convinced to leave them behind but today he was adamant.  Eventually after getting nowhere with reasoning and then a time out I took that blasted stick and snapped it over my knee.  Noah burst into tears and was wailing 'my beautiful flute, my beautiful flute'  'I need glue to get it back how it was'. He was repeating it over and over and crying so hard it was the ugly snotty cry.  Even when I tried to apologise and explain my actions he wouldn't look me in the eye.  My words can't do his level of emotion justice - he was genuinely heartbroken and he looked at me with such hurt my heart broke too.

I was with a friend who also has small children and we were both struck by the moment (and to be honest a little bit teary).  We realised that sometimes rules need to be broken.  That sometimes we need to let our kids have a win.  Would it really have killed me to let him bring the stick home. These are not little people to be controlled by our never ending rules.  Our children are full of potential - they need our guidance and some of our rules need to be steadfast but some can be bent to allow their creativity and imagination and independence to blossom.

As I type this Noah has helped himself to a jar of screws and has glued them to a collage he's working on.  I have had to remove them from his picture (They are part of an IKEA project I'm building so it's not negotiable) and he is upset (again) but the stick I could have given in on.

Amendment at 8pm


Just to document another major parenting failure - it appears I have also managed to get my beautiful 6 week old boy's face sunburned in the park today.

Both these event have caused me many tears this evening and I have realised I am at that point where no area of my life is being given the attention it needs or deserves.  I am juggling too many balls and something has got to give.  It might be time to cut the 3 hourly expressing sessions and give in to the failing battle to breastfeed.  More on that front tomorrow.

Oh yeah and my cleaner of two years quit today too.  Best. Day. Ever.

Wordless Wednesday - Harper 1 month.

Better late than never he's actually 6 weeks and 2 days now

Things I know

As a mother of two now there are some things I have learnt - I thought I'd share.

1. Having 2 children is the fail safe quickest way to cure a lifelong nail biting habit! My hands are never still.

2. You can (and will) blow dry your hair using the car air conditioning on the way to Kindy/Swimming etc

3. The sound of the breast pump will become the soundtrack for your life and you will grow to love it's funky   German nightclub beats.

4. You and your husband will never again have a conversation that doesn't involve talk of poo, breast milk and who's turn it is to change the nappy.

5. Even though you wondered if you could ever love another child as much as your first - the love is instant and overwhelming and the pride of watching your older boy love his new brother is heartbreakingly special.

6. It's all worth it (and sleep is for the weak!)

Inside, Outside

Remember This?

and then Voila!

Photos by Michelle at Dainty Stills

Family of Four

I am a mother of two.  It still hasn't completely sunk in.  So many times we thought we would never have a child at all let alone two beautiful boys.

Harper is 3 weeks and 4 days old now and so far, although life is really hectic, we are settling in well to this new family arrangement.

Noah has taken to his big brother role better than we could ever have imagined.  He is so patient and wonderful with me even though I am constantly unable to be there for him like I used to be.  He is beyond smitten with Harper and is never far from him with oh so gentle kisses and cuddles.  He wants to help in every aspect of Harper's care and is actually a very capable and useful extra set of hands.

As far as Harper goes we had a little hiccup when he was re-admitted to the hospital 4 days after coming home but now he is gaining weight beautifully and is a nice and healthy 3.5 kilos.  Unfortunately breastfeeding is proving a challenge again and so I have had to concede to formula top-ups to keep this tiny boy of ours on the right track.  Hopefully with the help of the lactation consultant we will get to 100% breastfeeding eventually.

Here are some more pictures of our beautiful boys

All photos by Michelle at Dainty Stills

A Brand New Baby De Roach - Harper Thomas

Harper Thomas De Roach

Born 9.47am, 31st of October 2011

3.185 kg, 51 cm long

The Night Before

The time has finally come.  I'm heading off to bed soon and when I wake up it's off bright and early to the hospital.  Our new baby boy will be making his grand entrance at around 9am.  We are all very excited.

I'm not at all nervous about the C Section but I will be waiting with bated breath to see if our boy comes out healthy and ready to face the world without any medical intervention.  After Noah and I being separated for the first days of his life (in two separate hospitals) I am very hopeful of a different outcome this time.

We have had a wonderful family weekend.  The added bonus of a long weekend here in Perth has meant 3 days of action packed fun.  Beach, Playgrounds, Fremantle, CHOGM, Lazy Breakfasts, Cafe Breakfasts, Tapas, Drinks in the sun - you name it we've squeezed it in.  It has been special to enjoy this time just the 3 of us hanging out together like we love to do.

I can't wait to meet my boy in the morning but beyond myself I am bursting to see Noah meet his baby brother.  I just know he will be in love at first sight and I look forward to watching all of their brotherly love and adventures ahead.

Rob or I will be back soon with lots of pictures and all the news.  See you on the other side.