Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Reflections on Harper's First Year

'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times'
Charles Dickens - A Tale of Two Cities

There are no better words to sum up the last year for me and my family.  On the surface we look like the luckiest people.  We finally welcomed a much anticipated and desired second child to our family.  We bought and moved into our dream home.  I finally lost the (almost) 40 kilos that had been literally and figuratively dragging me down for the last 6 years.

That's on the surface - behind the scenes it has been an entire year of sleepless nights.  It has been a year of stress and worry.  Why is our baby crying all day, why is he always so sick and sad.  Doctors visit after doctors visit with really no answers.  Months of weekends and nights completely consumed with selling our old house when we had already committed to buying a bigger more expensive house.  Moving house with any baby is tough but with one that cries all day and never sleeps - chaos reigned. Rob made huge sacrifices for me to attend my 5-6 hours of exercise every week and it's taken it's toll on him.

It feels like our precious big boy lost his Mummy this year.  After 3 and a half years of solid quality time with him I became almost completely unavailable.  Hours rocking a crying baby to sleep and hours of painting, packing, renovating old and new houses meant that Noah has watched more TV in the last year than his first 3 years of life.  It is showing in his behaviour and it hurts me deeply that he has been affected negatively by our decisions and choices.

On the weekend we celebrated Harper's 1st birthday with an awesome Very Hungry Caterpillar Party.  At the last minute Rob urged me to make a speech and I've regretted it ever since.  I didn't say what I wanted to - I'm not good on the spot. I only said a few sentences but they were not what I meant.  Every quiet moment I've had since then it's run through my head - what I wished I had said.  So here it is.

It's been a tough year, Harper has not been the dream baby everyone hopes for but we wouldn't change it for the world.  We love him.  He has completed our family which we though might never grow bigger than the 3 of us.  He's been hard work - really hard work but his smiles and his giggle have made it all worth while.  We know the future is bright and things can only get better.  He'll grow into a delightful boy just like Noah did and all this baby nonsense will soon fade from memory. We are so very thankful to live in this beautiful home which we only have through the love and financial support of both sides of our family.  We are blessed, we have more than most but most importantly we have each other.  We are a family and that is all we need. 

We love you Harps - you're a gorgeous sweet little man.  Happy Birthday.  GO TO SLEEP!!


  1. You're looking amazing, Kirsty, well done on such a massive weight loss. As for mr no-sleep? Well it sucks. There is a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture. I hope you all turn the corner soon xx

  2. Kirsty that all sounds really tough! Sleep deprivation is one if the worst things ever particularly on such a constant basis with no sign of relief! You can hold on to the hope that it will improve with age! Sounds like you have done an amazing job moving house and losing 40kg as well as everything else that life with young kids entails and all that with a crying sleepless child - well done.


Hi thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. It is nice to know someone is listening.


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