The day I broke my son's heart

Every day in playgrounds across Australia and probably the world you can hear mothers telling their children not to play with sticks.  Sticks are a boy's best friend and a mother's worst nightmare.  All we can imagine is someone losing an eye as careless children wield them at each other with no regard for the danger but kids don't see a dangerous stick they see a sword to have a pirate battle, a magic wand or a beautiful flute.

Noah and I got into a battle royale today - I had relented and allowed him to play with a rather large stick in the park but when he insisted on bringing it in the car and home I was strident.  He is usually fairly easily convinced to leave them behind but today he was adamant.  Eventually after getting nowhere with reasoning and then a time out I took that blasted stick and snapped it over my knee.  Noah burst into tears and was wailing 'my beautiful flute, my beautiful flute'  'I need glue to get it back how it was'. He was repeating it over and over and crying so hard it was the ugly snotty cry.  Even when I tried to apologise and explain my actions he wouldn't look me in the eye.  My words can't do his level of emotion justice - he was genuinely heartbroken and he looked at me with such hurt my heart broke too.

I was with a friend who also has small children and we were both struck by the moment (and to be honest a little bit teary).  We realised that sometimes rules need to be broken.  That sometimes we need to let our kids have a win.  Would it really have killed me to let him bring the stick home. These are not little people to be controlled by our never ending rules.  Our children are full of potential - they need our guidance and some of our rules need to be steadfast but some can be bent to allow their creativity and imagination and independence to blossom.

As I type this Noah has helped himself to a jar of screws and has glued them to a collage he's working on.  I have had to remove them from his picture (They are part of an IKEA project I'm building so it's not negotiable) and he is upset (again) but the stick I could have given in on.

Amendment at 8pm


Just to document another major parenting failure - it appears I have also managed to get my beautiful 6 week old boy's face sunburned in the park today.

Both these event have caused me many tears this evening and I have realised I am at that point where no area of my life is being given the attention it needs or deserves.  I am juggling too many balls and something has got to give.  It might be time to cut the 3 hourly expressing sessions and give in to the failing battle to breastfeed.  More on that front tomorrow.

Oh yeah and my cleaner of two years quit today too.  Best. Day. Ever.

Wordless Wednesday - Harper 1 month.

Better late than never he's actually 6 weeks and 2 days now

Things I know

As a mother of two now there are some things I have learnt - I thought I'd share.

1. Having 2 children is the fail safe quickest way to cure a lifelong nail biting habit! My hands are never still.

2. You can (and will) blow dry your hair using the car air conditioning on the way to Kindy/Swimming etc

3. The sound of the breast pump will become the soundtrack for your life and you will grow to love it's funky   German nightclub beats.

4. You and your husband will never again have a conversation that doesn't involve talk of poo, breast milk and who's turn it is to change the nappy.

5. Even though you wondered if you could ever love another child as much as your first - the love is instant and overwhelming and the pride of watching your older boy love his new brother is heartbreakingly special.

6. It's all worth it (and sleep is for the weak!)

Inside, Outside

Remember This?

and then Voila!

Photos by Michelle at Dainty Stills

Family of Four

I am a mother of two.  It still hasn't completely sunk in.  So many times we thought we would never have a child at all let alone two beautiful boys.

Harper is 3 weeks and 4 days old now and so far, although life is really hectic, we are settling in well to this new family arrangement.

Noah has taken to his big brother role better than we could ever have imagined.  He is so patient and wonderful with me even though I am constantly unable to be there for him like I used to be.  He is beyond smitten with Harper and is never far from him with oh so gentle kisses and cuddles.  He wants to help in every aspect of Harper's care and is actually a very capable and useful extra set of hands.

As far as Harper goes we had a little hiccup when he was re-admitted to the hospital 4 days after coming home but now he is gaining weight beautifully and is a nice and healthy 3.5 kilos.  Unfortunately breastfeeding is proving a challenge again and so I have had to concede to formula top-ups to keep this tiny boy of ours on the right track.  Hopefully with the help of the lactation consultant we will get to 100% breastfeeding eventually.

Here are some more pictures of our beautiful boys

All photos by Michelle at Dainty Stills

A Brand New Baby De Roach - Harper Thomas

Harper Thomas De Roach

Born 9.47am, 31st of October 2011

3.185 kg, 51 cm long