Monday, 30 November 2009
24 days to go......
There are only 2 full work weeks left until Christmas - yip yip. Not for me because I barely work - I'm excited my husband will be home for a whole month. Also as of this week Rob will only be working 9 day fortnights - he still has to do his 80 hours though which will be difficult to cram into 9 days sometimes but oh the reward of an extra family day. This is going to be a great summer.
Groundhog Day
Do you have a particular job that you hate??
Mine used to be washing dishes (we don't have a dishwasher!!) but now that we are on lite'n'easy there are never any dishes to wash (or food to cook for that matter) and it is wonderful. Instead I find myself loathing vacuuming. I vacuum every day (sometimes twice) but still when I look at the floor I see dirt - aaarrrrrrrggggggghh
Mine used to be washing dishes (we don't have a dishwasher!!) but now that we are on lite'n'easy there are never any dishes to wash (or food to cook for that matter) and it is wonderful. Instead I find myself loathing vacuuming. I vacuum every day (sometimes twice) but still when I look at the floor I see dirt - aaarrrrrrrggggggghh
Friday, 27 November 2009
Yummmmmmmm
This is a blog about a baby - right?? Not today - today I'm joining the world of food bloggers. I can't help myself I'm compelled to share with you the intimate details of the beautiful meal Rob and I had last night. Firstly it was great because we planned a lovely night out with our dear friends Rach and Glenn (http://www.rachaelandglenn.blogspot.com/) who are expecting a baby in 13 weeks after a long struggle with infertility like us. Being out at a fancy restaurant, getting dressed up and just being adults without a child to care for is such a rare privilege that you can't help but enjoy the moment. It was so nice to spend such a lovely evening with them before all the craziness of Christmas begins and their baby arrives.
If I was much more dedicated I could have photographed everything along the lines of a favourite blog of mine (http://whatisforbreakfast.wordpress.com/) but instead you'll have to use your imagination. Warning - do not read on if you are hungry!!
We went to In Contro on the foreshore in South Perth which holds special significance for us because it was intended as the venue for our wedding until we had to cancel due to Rob's mum's car accident. The restaurant has had a huge makeover and has really become quite fine dining.
A first glance at the menu was actually a bit of a shock - it has never been a cheap restaurant but now the main courses were sitting at an average of $40 plus. Glenn's steak was $52. The wine list was enormous (not enough local wines for my liking) but in the end I chose a Margaret River Rose. We decide to throw caution to the wind and just go for it - so we had all 3 courses!!
We started with Pepporanata Oysters - freshly shucked and salt and pepper cuttlefish. For main I had stunning piece of MSA sirloin on a bed of portobello mushroom gnocchi with wilted spinach. Oh my it just melted in your mouth. Rob had the 'Char grilled Crustaceans' which was a selection of Morton bay bugs, different types of prawns etc which he was very pleased with.
For dessert I had Eaton mess (strawberries, raspberries, chantilly cream and meringue - basically a really good smushed up pavlova) - which was served in a champagne flute with Persian fairy floss and an intricate toffee squiggle on top - sooooo good.
Rob had a dish was described on the menu as - chocolate donuts with hand churned butterscotch ice-cream and raspberries (I think??). When it came out it was on a long plate and it was round chocolate balls which when broken into were runny in the middle (like fondant cake) it was amazing.
Definitely going to start getting out for more grown up dinners - maybe every second month. It was worth the splurge and we had an awesome evening.
If I was much more dedicated I could have photographed everything along the lines of a favourite blog of mine (http://whatisforbreakfast.wordpress.com/) but instead you'll have to use your imagination. Warning - do not read on if you are hungry!!
We went to In Contro on the foreshore in South Perth which holds special significance for us because it was intended as the venue for our wedding until we had to cancel due to Rob's mum's car accident. The restaurant has had a huge makeover and has really become quite fine dining.
A first glance at the menu was actually a bit of a shock - it has never been a cheap restaurant but now the main courses were sitting at an average of $40 plus. Glenn's steak was $52. The wine list was enormous (not enough local wines for my liking) but in the end I chose a Margaret River Rose. We decide to throw caution to the wind and just go for it - so we had all 3 courses!!
We started with Pepporanata Oysters - freshly shucked and salt and pepper cuttlefish. For main I had stunning piece of MSA sirloin on a bed of portobello mushroom gnocchi with wilted spinach. Oh my it just melted in your mouth. Rob had the 'Char grilled Crustaceans' which was a selection of Morton bay bugs, different types of prawns etc which he was very pleased with.
For dessert I had Eaton mess (strawberries, raspberries, chantilly cream and meringue - basically a really good smushed up pavlova) - which was served in a champagne flute with Persian fairy floss and an intricate toffee squiggle on top - sooooo good.
Rob had a dish was described on the menu as - chocolate donuts with hand churned butterscotch ice-cream and raspberries (I think??). When it came out it was on a long plate and it was round chocolate balls which when broken into were runny in the middle (like fondant cake) it was amazing.
Definitely going to start getting out for more grown up dinners - maybe every second month. It was worth the splurge and we had an awesome evening.
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
Pictures
Feeding his lunch to Poppy while Mummy was in hospital
They boys (Noah, Rex and Robbie) go up the slide
The boys come down!!
Relaxing before bedtime with cousin Jakob
Some pussy cat lovin'
Best pals getting ready for bed
My little 'wharfie' after his early morning run in the pram with Daddy
Mesmorised by the fishtank before his grommet surgery
Post Op Update
Noah's surgery went really well and besides waking up from the anaesthetic in a bit of state he was very chilled out and brave. When we got to the day surgery there was a beautiful fish tank which he was absolutely besotted with so that kept him occupied for the hour long wait between admission and the procedure. I took him in and held him while they gave him the mask - he wriggled around and grizzled a bit but went off to sleep no worries. It was very sad lifting him onto the operating bed and leaving him there. Mum and I went off to have a coffee and came back to find he had been in and out and woken up much faster than expected and they were frantically searching for me. I was so embarrassed - what kind of mother isn't there when her son wakes up from his first big hospital procedure???? I got over it pretty quickly when I realised the nurses were as shocked as me to have a screaming Noah on their hands so promptly. After some cuddles and some milk all was well and during our hour we had to wait post-op Noah was back to his normal happy self.
When we got home Noah was a bit hyper (they warned me the anaesthetic might have that effect) but went off to bed no problem at 6.30 and slept through. What a trouper.
When we got home Noah was a bit hyper (they warned me the anaesthetic might have that effect) but went off to bed no problem at 6.30 and slept through. What a trouper.
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
It's a fine day for Grommets
So far so good we're on track for surgery this afternoon at 2.10pm. Noah had a nice big breakfast of fresh (courtesy of Lotte's chooks) scrambled eggs, baked beans and sausage. Poor little guy has no idea he won't get any more food until tonight. It's going to kill me when he's asking for food and pointing at the fridge/pantry in his gorgeous little way. I managed to get him down for his morning nap nice and early so he could still have a bottle of milk. When he wakes up he's still allowed water until noon and then nothing. Small sacrifice for no more ear pain and hopefully much better hearing. I'll be back this evening with news of how the operation went.
Monday, 23 November 2009
16 months
Noah is 16 months old today. It's hard to believe that he's the same boy that gave us so much trouble for the first year. These days he's still into everything and full of that same adventurous spirit but he's very well behaved and rarely grizzles throughout the day. He's also finally discovered the joy of sleep and loves to be put to bed when it's time.
I'd definitely try and be a lot more relaxed if faced with an 'unsettled' baby again - I now know there's almost nothing you can do but wait until that stage passes.
We've just had a lovely weekend with the fine weather returning to Perth we were out and about at Whiteman Park and had fantastic BBQ's with friend both Saturday and Sunday afternoon. Whiteman Park is an amazing venue for families - I'm quite ashamed to admit I had never been there and really knew nothing about it - I think we'll be back there at the pool on Saturday - weather permitting.
Tomorrow my baby boy is off for his surgery to have the grommets put in. It's really quite a simple procedure but he does need a general anaesthetic so that's a wee bit daunting. I hope it makes a big difference for him and that we've seen the last of ear infections for awhile.
I'm almost fully recovered and feeling ready to get back to life as normal (I don't think I can drag out the excuses for extra help around the house much longer!!)
Life is starting to get really busy with lots of Christmas events booked in as well as lots of babysitting for all my families who have social outings to go to also. The next few weeks will be gone in a blink I'm sure and then it will be time for Rob to have a month off work - can't wait.
I'll post some photos soon and be back in touch to let you know how Noah's surgery went.
I'd definitely try and be a lot more relaxed if faced with an 'unsettled' baby again - I now know there's almost nothing you can do but wait until that stage passes.
We've just had a lovely weekend with the fine weather returning to Perth we were out and about at Whiteman Park and had fantastic BBQ's with friend both Saturday and Sunday afternoon. Whiteman Park is an amazing venue for families - I'm quite ashamed to admit I had never been there and really knew nothing about it - I think we'll be back there at the pool on Saturday - weather permitting.
Tomorrow my baby boy is off for his surgery to have the grommets put in. It's really quite a simple procedure but he does need a general anaesthetic so that's a wee bit daunting. I hope it makes a big difference for him and that we've seen the last of ear infections for awhile.
I'm almost fully recovered and feeling ready to get back to life as normal (I don't think I can drag out the excuses for extra help around the house much longer!!)
Life is starting to get really busy with lots of Christmas events booked in as well as lots of babysitting for all my families who have social outings to go to also. The next few weeks will be gone in a blink I'm sure and then it will be time for Rob to have a month off work - can't wait.
I'll post some photos soon and be back in touch to let you know how Noah's surgery went.
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
Recovery
Thanks everyone for all your texts and phone calls. I'm doing really well (especially if I keep up the pain killers!!)
The surgery went very well and my Doctor was really happy with how much they were able to do ( lucky me I got to see a video and heaps of gory photos). All my insides have been unstuck from each other and large portion of endometriosis deposits were removed. I almost couldn't believe they had done the surgery when I woke up I felt a thousand percent better than after the same procedure last time. I think mostly due to the fact that they didn't leave me with any drains in and I had one of those lovely pain pumps I've heard so much about.
Now I am to take drugs to put me into a menopausal state (ie no period but lots of hot flashes) until end of January - this will give my insides a chance to fully recover and everything to settle down without any more building up. Then by about mid March we will be ready to start a brand new IVF cycle with new fresh eggs being collected.
Next step is Noah's surgery on Tuesday - I'll keep you posted.
The surgery went very well and my Doctor was really happy with how much they were able to do ( lucky me I got to see a video and heaps of gory photos). All my insides have been unstuck from each other and large portion of endometriosis deposits were removed. I almost couldn't believe they had done the surgery when I woke up I felt a thousand percent better than after the same procedure last time. I think mostly due to the fact that they didn't leave me with any drains in and I had one of those lovely pain pumps I've heard so much about.
Now I am to take drugs to put me into a menopausal state (ie no period but lots of hot flashes) until end of January - this will give my insides a chance to fully recover and everything to settle down without any more building up. Then by about mid March we will be ready to start a brand new IVF cycle with new fresh eggs being collected.
Next step is Noah's surgery on Tuesday - I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, 12 November 2009
I'm busy getting ready for my trip to hospital tomorrow. Making sure I leave the husband and the boy with clean clothes, bills paid and a tidy house. Rob keeps telling me not to worry but I feel a responsibility to leave everything organised. God knows how the surgery will go and how long my recovery will be so I'll save my slacking off for post surgery. Best to be prepared as the scouts say.
We've also had Noah's ENT appointment today and as we suspected he needs grommets - here's a link with some info.
http://www.hearing.com.au/digitalAssets/4734_1174000835161_Middle%20ear%20infection%20and%20grommets.pdf
So our poor little guy is also gearing up for a surgical procedure under general anaesthetic - Tuesday November 24th.
Hopefully once mine and Noah's operations are over everything will settle down for a while so we can enjoy our holidays and have a rest from Doctors!!
We've also had Noah's ENT appointment today and as we suspected he needs grommets - here's a link with some info.
http://www.hearing.com.au/digitalAssets/4734_1174000835161_Middle%20ear%20infection%20and%20grommets.pdf
So our poor little guy is also gearing up for a surgical procedure under general anaesthetic - Tuesday November 24th.
Hopefully once mine and Noah's operations are over everything will settle down for a while so we can enjoy our holidays and have a rest from Doctors!!
Thursday, 5 November 2009
Turning lemons into lemonade....
If you've read my last post you know that Tuesday was a shocking day for us. In fact so shocking that when it came time to place a Melbourne Cup bet 'Shocking' was the horse that jumped out at me - which meant I won some money.
After finding out that our embryos had not survived we had a couple of appointments to attend but we managed to squeeze in a couple of nice things to salvage Rob's day off work.
Firstly Noah had a sleep in the car while Rob and I enjoyed a lovely lunch sitting looking at the ocean. Then later in the afternoon the 3 of us enjoyed some time at the beach building sandcastles and splashing in the ice cold water.
Noah is actually showing some fairly strong dislike for the beach despite a summer spent mostly on the beach last year. So we have to take things very slowly and try to acclimatise him and not completely turn him off it. He especially hates the sand and crawls using only the side of his palm so he doesn't have to touch it!!
We also had a go at taking some pictures for a Christmas card without great success.
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Secret Blog Unveiled
The secret blog came about because Rob and I started doing IVF again - in secret. First things first - I AM NOT PREGNANT. We decided for a multitude of reasons to go through it privately this time around but I still needed an outlet to record the ups and downs - so here is my blof from the past 7 weeks.
I’m writing this blog entry with no intention of posting it for at least a month. I have a secret which I will eventually share with everyone but for now it’s just between me and Rob.
We have always planned to try to have at least 2 children and during the process of having Banjo and Noah we have always been very open about all of the ins and outs of IVF. As a result each of our pregnancies has been very public with everyone knowing the positive result on the day of the blood test which is done at 4 weeks.
It’s been amazing having so much support and excitement around us during these times but I’ve often wondered what it must be like to keep that little secret for the traditional first 12 weeks as most couples do. So when it came time to think about starting IVF again I said to Rob that I wanted to keep it to ourselves. Rob was completely supportive although he personally was happy to share it with everyone from the start. I felt that due to my medical issues I have no control over any of the fertility/baby making process and in turn wondered if I was missing out on a bit of the excitement of the process. As a result we decided to go into stealth mode this time around.
It feels really strange to keep it quiet especially from our very closest family and friends and in fact it has lead to quite few white lies being told – but it is nice to share it just between us as is the ‘normal’ way.
Diary of IVF # 3
Day 1 – Friday 18th September
It’s with much excitement and a smallish amount of trepidation that I called Fertility North today and announced I was ready to start a new cycle of IVF. I have seen my Dr and been given the go ahead – I just had to wait for the first day of my cycle and then make the call. So today is that day. I am to attend tomorrow for a blood test to check all my hormone levels are at baseline and then start my injections.
Day 2 – Saturday 19th September
Today Rob, Noah and I made an early trip to Joondalup Hospital for the first blood test. It was nice to be there with Noah and think about how lucky we are. Rob and I both wondered though if the other women waiting are inspired or upset by the sight of our tearaway running around the waiting room. It can be so hard when you’re desperate to have a baby and it seems everyone else has what you want. I hope it gave them hope that miracles are created in that space and that our Noah is one of them.
Day 3 – Sunday 20th September
First injection today. I had to read the instructions so carefully – I can’t believe how quickly you can forget things that once were second nature to you. Anyway it’s done and it was easy and painless – although I did hesitate above the skin a few times before making the plunge.
Day 7 – Thursday 24th September
I have been doing my daily injections and tomorrow I go for a blood test to see how my hormone levels are going. Depending on the results a new little embryo could be getting planted in my uterus in about a week. It’s all so surreal – firstly how weird that we have ready made babies in the freezer. Secondly – all our babies were made on January 24th 2007 so no matter when I have them Banjo, Noah and any other babies were all conceived on the same day.
It feels so abstract when you’re injecting and having blood tests – sometimes I forget we’re actually getting ready to try and have another baby. It’s hard to comprehend with Noah still being such hard work and Rob and I still being in the severe sleep deprivation phase. I just keep reminding myself that he will be 2 and a lot will have changed (hopefully) by the time this next bub comes along.
We would have waited until the New Year to start but K Rudd did us a huge disservice in the last budget by slashing medicare funding for IVF. I’ve really got a bee in my bonnet about it but what can I do. Anyway here we are for better or worse and the most important thing is a gorgeous healthy new baby.
Day 8 – Friday 25th September
Another blood test today – levels rising nicely. I am to keep injecting and return on Monday for next blood test.
Day 11 – Monday 28th September
More needles more blood tests. Today’s result is that my levels have risen very quickly and I am to return tomorrow for an ultrasound to check the amount and size of my follicles.
I’m actually a little bit worried because I’ve had a lot of cramping which I’m sure I’ve never had in the past and today even a small amount of bleeding as well. Don’t know what it all means but will find out soon enough I guess.
Day 12 – Tuesday 29th September
Went to the clinic alone this morning so Noah could have a nice long nap, ready for our big afternoon out at the show. It’s been nice when we’ve all gone together I like Noah being a part of the process of getting a new baby brother or sister.
The scan looked pretty good my lining is thickening nicely and there are follicles ready to go. There were a couple of largish endometriosis on my ovaries – and one ovary in particular was quite stuck to the uterus. The Doctor is not too worried about it. I have to call back at 3.00pm for my blood results.
It’s 9pm now and Noah is in bed after a really fun day at the show. In fact we got so caught up in the day that I forgot to call the clinic for my results and they had to stalk me. Previously I have been so obsessed with my treatment that I’ve been counting down all day excited to call and get the latest results – funny how priorities change when you’ve got a Noah to care for.
Anyhow I am ready - so no more Follicle Stimulating Hormone - this evening I’ve done my trigger injection which sends the message to my body to release those follicles down the fallopian tubes ready for fertilisation. Of course it’s all a big ruse because my tubes are blocked so the eggs are going nowhere but as long as my body thinks that’s what is happening. So now I wait until Friday when they are going to thaw one of our frozen embryos ready to put back into me on Saturday. I’ll call Friday afternoon to find out how the thaw went and then they’ll tell me what time my transfer is on Saturday. It sounds so clinical but believe me it’s very exciting.
Day 14 – Thursday 1st October
I’m so impatient – I hate waiting. I like to know things now. I’m getting very anxious for the call tomorrow to find out how the embryo thaw went. I have many flaws but the worst is impatience.
Day 15 – Friday 2nd October
As I stood waiting to buy sushi today, (possibly my last sushi for 9 months!!), I received a call from the embryologist. He has successfully thawed 1 embryo however only 3 out of 4 cells survived. Last time all 4 survived. 3 cells is still a viable embryo. I asked if we needed to consider abandoning this embryo and thawing another – he told me definitively NO this little 3 cell embryo will be fine and may even have divided into more cells by the time transfer takes place tomorrow. Transfer is scheduled for 10.45am tomorrow with Dr Vince Chapple ( he was the doctor who put a little 4 cell Noah into my uterus 22 months ago).
Tonight as Rob put Noah to bed he told him that tomorrow mummy and daddy and the doctor are going to try and make him a baby brother or sister.
Day 16 – Saturday 3rd October
Through various circumstances we were running late today for our transfer – I got very stressed out. Rob of course was wonderful and took great care to calm me down and get me in the right headspace. Noah came along which I loved. So sweet to think he was there for his baby brother or sister from the VERY start. It was not as straightforward as my previous 2 transfers. This time I was asked to attend with a full bladder (I’ve never done that before). Dr Chapple had some problems getting ‘in’ to the right spot. He changed speculum 3 times (wider, longer!!!!) all while I was dying for a pee. Eventually through persistence and use of the ultrasound he was happy that he was in the perfect spot to drop our little embryo in (incidentally the cells had divided and we were back to 4 cells).
So now we wait. I have 3 more injections to do plus a blood test in 5 days then a pregnancy test of Friday October 16th. We’ve been sending lots of positive vibes out into the universe (probably would have been good to have you all doing that too but it’s so fun having a little secret). I feel confident yet terrified but most of all impatient. It’s going to be a long 2 weeks!!
Day 18 – Monday 5th October
Waiting, Waiting, Waiting……….. 11 sleeps till pregnancy test.
Day 21 - Thursday 8th October
Today is the day for my interim blood test – to check my levels are progressing nicely. I’ll let you know how it goes.
So I went for my test and I hit the nurse up for any chance of an earlier pregnancy test. I also tried to get some scoop on whether today’s test can give any insight ( I thought they might check the pregnancy hormone but keep it to themselves until a week later when the second test gives a more definite result!!) Anyway – preg test is still Friday (8 sleeps to go) and I found out they don’t even check the HCG levels only progesterone to make sure the levels are high enough to maintain a healthy uterine lining – bugger.
My progesterone was low so I had to trek back in this afternoon to pick up 2 $75 bottles of pessaries which I am ‘inserting’ twice a day.
I’m not feeling very confident – trying to be positive but just have a feeling it won’t happen this time.
Day 23 – Saturday October 10th
I’m getting lots of cramping which feels suspiciously like my period coming and therefore not pregnant. I am dying to know one way or the other. I don’t think I’ll even be really upset if we do have to do another cycle – I just hate the limbo and the not knowing. I’m busting to tell someone – I’m not a very good secret keeper even though it was my idea to keep it secret.
Day 26 – Tuesday 13th October
I’ve been ridiculously tired, which has me daring to think that maybe I could be pregnant. I’ve also been very moody and grumpy so it could be the hormones or it could be PMT – I’m sick of all the analysing – I WANT TO KNOW – NOWWWWWWWWWW. 3 sleeps to go.
Day 27 – Wednesday 14th October
I have to play little mind games with myself to take my mind off all the waiting. Today I was very tempted to do a home pregnancy test so when I headed out I said to myself if a certain pharmacist was there when I walked in I wouldn’t buy one and therefore I’d wait. He was there and I stuck to my word. Tomorrow is my work day which is always very full and there most certainly will not be time for pondering. Once I get through that then I only have to wait 1 more day. So exciting.
I’m still in two minds how I think the cards will land but only time will tell.
Day 27 – Thursday 15th October
The mind games failed and last night I made a mercy dash to the pharmacy to buy a home pregnancy test (box of 2). I did a test which was inconclusive but definitely leaning towards not pregnant. I had a very rough nights sleep then woke up and did the second test – still looking negative but with a very faint hint of that much desired second blue line. So I headed off to the clinic for the real test (they said I could come in a day earlier) still holding some hope for a good outcome.
Pregnancy Test officially negative.
I’m coping.
IVF # 4
I actually haven’t been too upset about the negative pregnancy result at all. I’m pissed off we have to go through it again but I feel really confident I’ll get pregnant. We’ve been so lucky and had positive results both our cycles so I guess it was only natural for one to fail eventually. I actually really knew it in my heart of hearts anyway.
Day 13 - Wednesday 28th October
I haven’t been recording all the details this time around but it’s all been going on – injections, blood tests and ultrasounds. I’m waiting to call the clinic for today’s blood test results and it should be news that I am ready to have my trigger injection and then embryo transfer possibly Monday.
Day 18 – Monday 2nd November
Well last Wednesday I didn’t get the expected news that it was time to trigger and be implanted. Instead I got the slightly upsetting but mostly annoying news that my oestrogen levels were not rising as they should and that I would need to do higher doses of my injections for another 2 days and return on Friday for blood tests. Friday morning I woke up and had that mid cycle feeling that I had ovulated so I attended the clinic and told them what was going on. They did a scan and it did indeed look like some of my follicles had collapsed maybe due to the egg being released. Bloods showed that everything should still be ok to continue so I took my trigger injection Friday night ready for transfer tomorrow (Melbourne Cup Day).
This afternoon I have spoken to the lab regarding the thawing of our embryos and received the sad news that of the 3 remaining frozen embryos they have had to thaw 2 to get a viable one and that even that one is not looking too great at the moment. The first embryo thawed only 2 out of 4 cells survived and then they died. The second one also only 2 cells have survived but they’re hanging in there (must be another little tough guy like Noah!!)
This is the first time I felt real concern for our chances of having another baby and I’ve shed some tears. If we don’t get pregnant from this cycle then we are back to having to do a full cycle with an egg harvest. My eggs aren’t 32 any more like the frozen babies – these would be 36 year old eggs increasing all the chances of age related issues.
Anyway I have to try to think positively but boy is that hard. I’m really questioning my decision to keep these IVF cycles to ourselves it’s turning out to be much more stressful than previously and that is made even harder without the normal support networks. Especially with Noah having been sick this weekend and just in general it’s very hard to keep coming up with viable excuses for extra babysitting without it looking like we’re slacking off on our parenting duties. Good news is I’ve lost 5 kgs so I’m getting in better shape for pregnancy and beyond.
Day 19 – Tuesday 3rd November– Melbourne Cup Day
Today has been a very upsetting day. We haven’t had our embryo transfer that was scheduled. Following on from the difficulties with the thaw yesterday our embryo did not survive overnight and an emergency thaw of our 3rd and final embryo was also unsuccessful. This is a very clinical way of saying that all of our beautiful embryos that were created at the same time as Banjo and Noah have died. It’s the end of that era and we are back to square one.
Transfer was scheduled for 11.45 but about 10am we received a phone call letting us know the sad news. We then spent the afternoon in appointments discussing possible reasons for the loss of the embryos as well as mapping out a plan for the future. At this stage it looks like I will be having surgery asap to ‘clean’ up my endometriosis and then we will go through another full cycle of IVF with an egg collection and a new sample from Rob to create fresh embryos. Rob and I are both very upset but also quite hopeful for the future and trying to look on the positive side. We are going to concentrate on enjoying Christmas and our summer holidays without too much fertility treatment and then get back on the horse, hopefully, Feb or March.
I’m writing this blog entry with no intention of posting it for at least a month. I have a secret which I will eventually share with everyone but for now it’s just between me and Rob.
We have always planned to try to have at least 2 children and during the process of having Banjo and Noah we have always been very open about all of the ins and outs of IVF. As a result each of our pregnancies has been very public with everyone knowing the positive result on the day of the blood test which is done at 4 weeks.
It’s been amazing having so much support and excitement around us during these times but I’ve often wondered what it must be like to keep that little secret for the traditional first 12 weeks as most couples do. So when it came time to think about starting IVF again I said to Rob that I wanted to keep it to ourselves. Rob was completely supportive although he personally was happy to share it with everyone from the start. I felt that due to my medical issues I have no control over any of the fertility/baby making process and in turn wondered if I was missing out on a bit of the excitement of the process. As a result we decided to go into stealth mode this time around.
It feels really strange to keep it quiet especially from our very closest family and friends and in fact it has lead to quite few white lies being told – but it is nice to share it just between us as is the ‘normal’ way.
Diary of IVF # 3
Day 1 – Friday 18th September
It’s with much excitement and a smallish amount of trepidation that I called Fertility North today and announced I was ready to start a new cycle of IVF. I have seen my Dr and been given the go ahead – I just had to wait for the first day of my cycle and then make the call. So today is that day. I am to attend tomorrow for a blood test to check all my hormone levels are at baseline and then start my injections.
Day 2 – Saturday 19th September
Today Rob, Noah and I made an early trip to Joondalup Hospital for the first blood test. It was nice to be there with Noah and think about how lucky we are. Rob and I both wondered though if the other women waiting are inspired or upset by the sight of our tearaway running around the waiting room. It can be so hard when you’re desperate to have a baby and it seems everyone else has what you want. I hope it gave them hope that miracles are created in that space and that our Noah is one of them.
Day 3 – Sunday 20th September
First injection today. I had to read the instructions so carefully – I can’t believe how quickly you can forget things that once were second nature to you. Anyway it’s done and it was easy and painless – although I did hesitate above the skin a few times before making the plunge.
Day 7 – Thursday 24th September
I have been doing my daily injections and tomorrow I go for a blood test to see how my hormone levels are going. Depending on the results a new little embryo could be getting planted in my uterus in about a week. It’s all so surreal – firstly how weird that we have ready made babies in the freezer. Secondly – all our babies were made on January 24th 2007 so no matter when I have them Banjo, Noah and any other babies were all conceived on the same day.
It feels so abstract when you’re injecting and having blood tests – sometimes I forget we’re actually getting ready to try and have another baby. It’s hard to comprehend with Noah still being such hard work and Rob and I still being in the severe sleep deprivation phase. I just keep reminding myself that he will be 2 and a lot will have changed (hopefully) by the time this next bub comes along.
We would have waited until the New Year to start but K Rudd did us a huge disservice in the last budget by slashing medicare funding for IVF. I’ve really got a bee in my bonnet about it but what can I do. Anyway here we are for better or worse and the most important thing is a gorgeous healthy new baby.
Day 8 – Friday 25th September
Another blood test today – levels rising nicely. I am to keep injecting and return on Monday for next blood test.
Day 11 – Monday 28th September
More needles more blood tests. Today’s result is that my levels have risen very quickly and I am to return tomorrow for an ultrasound to check the amount and size of my follicles.
I’m actually a little bit worried because I’ve had a lot of cramping which I’m sure I’ve never had in the past and today even a small amount of bleeding as well. Don’t know what it all means but will find out soon enough I guess.
Day 12 – Tuesday 29th September
Went to the clinic alone this morning so Noah could have a nice long nap, ready for our big afternoon out at the show. It’s been nice when we’ve all gone together I like Noah being a part of the process of getting a new baby brother or sister.
The scan looked pretty good my lining is thickening nicely and there are follicles ready to go. There were a couple of largish endometriosis on my ovaries – and one ovary in particular was quite stuck to the uterus. The Doctor is not too worried about it. I have to call back at 3.00pm for my blood results.
It’s 9pm now and Noah is in bed after a really fun day at the show. In fact we got so caught up in the day that I forgot to call the clinic for my results and they had to stalk me. Previously I have been so obsessed with my treatment that I’ve been counting down all day excited to call and get the latest results – funny how priorities change when you’ve got a Noah to care for.
Anyhow I am ready - so no more Follicle Stimulating Hormone - this evening I’ve done my trigger injection which sends the message to my body to release those follicles down the fallopian tubes ready for fertilisation. Of course it’s all a big ruse because my tubes are blocked so the eggs are going nowhere but as long as my body thinks that’s what is happening. So now I wait until Friday when they are going to thaw one of our frozen embryos ready to put back into me on Saturday. I’ll call Friday afternoon to find out how the thaw went and then they’ll tell me what time my transfer is on Saturday. It sounds so clinical but believe me it’s very exciting.
Day 14 – Thursday 1st October
I’m so impatient – I hate waiting. I like to know things now. I’m getting very anxious for the call tomorrow to find out how the embryo thaw went. I have many flaws but the worst is impatience.
Day 15 – Friday 2nd October
As I stood waiting to buy sushi today, (possibly my last sushi for 9 months!!), I received a call from the embryologist. He has successfully thawed 1 embryo however only 3 out of 4 cells survived. Last time all 4 survived. 3 cells is still a viable embryo. I asked if we needed to consider abandoning this embryo and thawing another – he told me definitively NO this little 3 cell embryo will be fine and may even have divided into more cells by the time transfer takes place tomorrow. Transfer is scheduled for 10.45am tomorrow with Dr Vince Chapple ( he was the doctor who put a little 4 cell Noah into my uterus 22 months ago).
Tonight as Rob put Noah to bed he told him that tomorrow mummy and daddy and the doctor are going to try and make him a baby brother or sister.
Day 16 – Saturday 3rd October
Through various circumstances we were running late today for our transfer – I got very stressed out. Rob of course was wonderful and took great care to calm me down and get me in the right headspace. Noah came along which I loved. So sweet to think he was there for his baby brother or sister from the VERY start. It was not as straightforward as my previous 2 transfers. This time I was asked to attend with a full bladder (I’ve never done that before). Dr Chapple had some problems getting ‘in’ to the right spot. He changed speculum 3 times (wider, longer!!!!) all while I was dying for a pee. Eventually through persistence and use of the ultrasound he was happy that he was in the perfect spot to drop our little embryo in (incidentally the cells had divided and we were back to 4 cells).
So now we wait. I have 3 more injections to do plus a blood test in 5 days then a pregnancy test of Friday October 16th. We’ve been sending lots of positive vibes out into the universe (probably would have been good to have you all doing that too but it’s so fun having a little secret). I feel confident yet terrified but most of all impatient. It’s going to be a long 2 weeks!!
Day 18 – Monday 5th October
Waiting, Waiting, Waiting……….. 11 sleeps till pregnancy test.
Day 21 - Thursday 8th October
Today is the day for my interim blood test – to check my levels are progressing nicely. I’ll let you know how it goes.
So I went for my test and I hit the nurse up for any chance of an earlier pregnancy test. I also tried to get some scoop on whether today’s test can give any insight ( I thought they might check the pregnancy hormone but keep it to themselves until a week later when the second test gives a more definite result!!) Anyway – preg test is still Friday (8 sleeps to go) and I found out they don’t even check the HCG levels only progesterone to make sure the levels are high enough to maintain a healthy uterine lining – bugger.
My progesterone was low so I had to trek back in this afternoon to pick up 2 $75 bottles of pessaries which I am ‘inserting’ twice a day.
I’m not feeling very confident – trying to be positive but just have a feeling it won’t happen this time.
Day 23 – Saturday October 10th
I’m getting lots of cramping which feels suspiciously like my period coming and therefore not pregnant. I am dying to know one way or the other. I don’t think I’ll even be really upset if we do have to do another cycle – I just hate the limbo and the not knowing. I’m busting to tell someone – I’m not a very good secret keeper even though it was my idea to keep it secret.
Day 26 – Tuesday 13th October
I’ve been ridiculously tired, which has me daring to think that maybe I could be pregnant. I’ve also been very moody and grumpy so it could be the hormones or it could be PMT – I’m sick of all the analysing – I WANT TO KNOW – NOWWWWWWWWWW. 3 sleeps to go.
Day 27 – Wednesday 14th October
I have to play little mind games with myself to take my mind off all the waiting. Today I was very tempted to do a home pregnancy test so when I headed out I said to myself if a certain pharmacist was there when I walked in I wouldn’t buy one and therefore I’d wait. He was there and I stuck to my word. Tomorrow is my work day which is always very full and there most certainly will not be time for pondering. Once I get through that then I only have to wait 1 more day. So exciting.
I’m still in two minds how I think the cards will land but only time will tell.
Day 27 – Thursday 15th October
The mind games failed and last night I made a mercy dash to the pharmacy to buy a home pregnancy test (box of 2). I did a test which was inconclusive but definitely leaning towards not pregnant. I had a very rough nights sleep then woke up and did the second test – still looking negative but with a very faint hint of that much desired second blue line. So I headed off to the clinic for the real test (they said I could come in a day earlier) still holding some hope for a good outcome.
Pregnancy Test officially negative.
I’m coping.
IVF # 4
I actually haven’t been too upset about the negative pregnancy result at all. I’m pissed off we have to go through it again but I feel really confident I’ll get pregnant. We’ve been so lucky and had positive results both our cycles so I guess it was only natural for one to fail eventually. I actually really knew it in my heart of hearts anyway.
Day 13 - Wednesday 28th October
I haven’t been recording all the details this time around but it’s all been going on – injections, blood tests and ultrasounds. I’m waiting to call the clinic for today’s blood test results and it should be news that I am ready to have my trigger injection and then embryo transfer possibly Monday.
Day 18 – Monday 2nd November
Well last Wednesday I didn’t get the expected news that it was time to trigger and be implanted. Instead I got the slightly upsetting but mostly annoying news that my oestrogen levels were not rising as they should and that I would need to do higher doses of my injections for another 2 days and return on Friday for blood tests. Friday morning I woke up and had that mid cycle feeling that I had ovulated so I attended the clinic and told them what was going on. They did a scan and it did indeed look like some of my follicles had collapsed maybe due to the egg being released. Bloods showed that everything should still be ok to continue so I took my trigger injection Friday night ready for transfer tomorrow (Melbourne Cup Day).
This afternoon I have spoken to the lab regarding the thawing of our embryos and received the sad news that of the 3 remaining frozen embryos they have had to thaw 2 to get a viable one and that even that one is not looking too great at the moment. The first embryo thawed only 2 out of 4 cells survived and then they died. The second one also only 2 cells have survived but they’re hanging in there (must be another little tough guy like Noah!!)
This is the first time I felt real concern for our chances of having another baby and I’ve shed some tears. If we don’t get pregnant from this cycle then we are back to having to do a full cycle with an egg harvest. My eggs aren’t 32 any more like the frozen babies – these would be 36 year old eggs increasing all the chances of age related issues.
Anyway I have to try to think positively but boy is that hard. I’m really questioning my decision to keep these IVF cycles to ourselves it’s turning out to be much more stressful than previously and that is made even harder without the normal support networks. Especially with Noah having been sick this weekend and just in general it’s very hard to keep coming up with viable excuses for extra babysitting without it looking like we’re slacking off on our parenting duties. Good news is I’ve lost 5 kgs so I’m getting in better shape for pregnancy and beyond.
Day 19 – Tuesday 3rd November– Melbourne Cup Day
Today has been a very upsetting day. We haven’t had our embryo transfer that was scheduled. Following on from the difficulties with the thaw yesterday our embryo did not survive overnight and an emergency thaw of our 3rd and final embryo was also unsuccessful. This is a very clinical way of saying that all of our beautiful embryos that were created at the same time as Banjo and Noah have died. It’s the end of that era and we are back to square one.
Transfer was scheduled for 11.45 but about 10am we received a phone call letting us know the sad news. We then spent the afternoon in appointments discussing possible reasons for the loss of the embryos as well as mapping out a plan for the future. At this stage it looks like I will be having surgery asap to ‘clean’ up my endometriosis and then we will go through another full cycle of IVF with an egg collection and a new sample from Rob to create fresh embryos. Rob and I are both very upset but also quite hopeful for the future and trying to look on the positive side. We are going to concentrate on enjoying Christmas and our summer holidays without too much fertility treatment and then get back on the horse, hopefully, Feb or March.
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