The Truth

When I wrote yesterday and told you all about our screening results and what it all means for our pregnancy - it may have seemed a bit cold and impersonal.

I just had to get the facts down and then start really processing the information.

I want you to know I'm TERRIFIED and ANGRY and in complete disbelief. It's hard not to feel sorry for myself after everything we've already been through to have yet another challenge to survive.

In saying that, I've spoken to my wonderful friends some of whom have faced this same situation and I feel confident that everything will be fine. The odds the doctor has given us are 1 in 75 so I just have to focus on the other 74.

Melting Moments

We had Leuca for an overnight stay on Wednesday night. Gemma and Mike think this is us doing them a huge favour but it's actually the other way around.

Watching my gorgeous husband with this tiny girl in his arms - making her smile and giggle - it melts my heart. I'm sure my heart will completely dissolve when it's our own baby.

First Trimester Screening

Today I have received a call from Dr Norman my OB to tell me that our tests came back high risk for the baby to have Down Syndrome or some other chromosomal abnormality.

Basically the way they get these results is through a combination of blood tests,ultrasound and the mother's age. At the 12 week scan they measure something called Nuchal Translucency - which is a thickness at the base of the baby's neck - the thicker the measurement and the older you are the higher the risk.

The next step is to have an amniocentesis (amnio). This test involves injecting a needle through my abdomen into the amniotic sac and removing approx 15ml fluid. That fluid is then assessed in a lab and within 99.9% accuracy we will know if baby poppy is fit and healthy or not.

We are having that test on March 17th and of course will let you know the results.

Missing in Action

I'm finally back at the keyboard after a wonderful break in Melbourne. A few people contacted me worried about my absence but don't stress we are all fine.

Melbourne was really great and very relaxing. Pa's 80th party was fun and quirky and everything you would expect from the coolest grandad on the planet. Rob and I had a lovely apartment in St Kilda and became locals at the cafe across the street from us. We enjoyed lots of lazy breakfasts and delicious cups of coffee.

We had a 2 great day trips - Phillip Island with Uncle David and The Great Ocean Road with Rowan and Jennifer. We were also thrilled to be able to watch Kevin Rudd's indigenous apology on the big screen in Federation Square - what a historical moment to be a part of.

Last Monday we had our 12 week scan and baby 'poppy' was looking gorgeous, perfect and very active - I think 'she' had hiccups. (We do not know if the baby is a boy or a girl but have a strong hunch that we'll have a little girl this time and either way until birth this baby will be known as Poppy - instead of 'The Baby')

Off to Melbourne

We leave for Melbourne tomorrow night to go and celebrate Rob's Pa's 80th Birthday. It's really exciting to be going on holiday but it is tinged with a bit of sadness. We had always planned this trip having in mind that we would be taking our 4 month old baby with us for all the Melbourne family to meet. Of course we are lucky to be pregnant again and to be able to share that with everyone but it doesn't erase the loss we still feel everyday.

Have a nice week everyone and I'll be back on board with any news and updates after February 18th when we have our 12 week scan.

Bad Hair Day

I was going to take a picture to show you but I was too embarrassed. Essentially most of my hair styles revolve around a structured version of a bad hair day anyway but today is a joke. The husband went to play squash before work so therefore packed himself a little toiletry bag to shower and change at work. In this bag he took my essential hair product!!

I look like I crimped my hair then stuck my finger in an electric socket - it's a blonde fuzz - devastating. I bumped into a girlfriend and the whole time I was talking to her I was paranoid she was staring at my hair wondering what the *#@! happened.