I need to vent

It's been a long time since I've written anything because I just haven't felt motivated and I haven't had a great deal to report. We've sort of been in limbo waiting to get the all clear to start IVF again and have just been busy getting on with 'normal' life. A week ago today (October 18th) would have been Banjo's due date. It was a really sad day but as always our friends and family were wonderfully supportive and really rallied around. Rob and I visited his grave in the morning and said a few words to our little guy. We tried not to dwell to much on the what ifs because we know we need to be strong and look to the journey we have ahead of us. My gorgeous friends Helen and Adina and I went to the cafe at Pinaroo for some lunch and they had a chance to visit Banjo too. We received lots of lovely cards, messages and flowers and were once again touched by the wonderful people we have in our lives.

On that note, today I was reminded about some of the not very nice people we all come across in our day to day lives with. Firstly I had an appointment at Pinaroo to sort out the details for Banjo's grave plaque and the people were very unhelpful and almost rude. I was really upset about it all and I was on my own because Rob had to work so I thought I'd go sit with Banjo for a minute and have a bit of a cry. I was only at the grave site for between 5 and 10 minutes not more than 50 metres from my car but some callous bastard broke in and stole my handbag. I'm absolutely kicking myself for leaving it in the car but I had no idea a crime could be committed right under my nose in such a brief amount of time. As with anyone who has had their bag/wallet lost or stolen it's a major hassle and of course a financial drain (we're out about $1000 - cash, sunglasses, perfume, makeup, medication, etc etc). It just seemed so much worse for it to have happened while I sat crying at my son's grave - people are unbelievable.

Just talking to people today I've hard 4 other stories from people who have experienced the same thing and in some cases even more brazen attacks with the car owner actually watching on completely helpless.

The really awful thing is that now I don't feel safe to go and visit him (especially not on my own) because there is a real criminal element hanging around preying on mourners. Today it was my car and handbag next time will I be personally attacked? It's so isolated in some areas of that bushland (which is part of it's beauty) I was literally stranded and nobody passed by for a long time to help me. It made me realise how vulnerable I really am if I go there alone. I lost far more today than money and possessions.